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01 June 2008 @ 12:13 am
Cordelia Chase: Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen  
Here it is, the next installment of the VSDs!
Authors: visualthinker11  and myself
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em.
Feedback: We love it.


Day One
Spent last night and night before fighting vampires with Xander and the other losers. But it's for Buffy's sake. Has nothing to do with Xander. Or losers.

Day Two
Party at Buffy's sucked, even though I was there AND brought dip. Buffy's just friends with all the walking dead, isn't she?

Day Three
Xander's a little too obsessed with this new slayer-person. And alligators. I could so do that.

Day Four
First I have to look at gross dead people in the morgue, then whatshisface kills his loser girlfriend and I get stuck with serious thoughts all day. The world is just conspiring to give me wrinkle lines.

Day Five
Buffy's fighting me for homecoming queen to clear up her personal childhood abandonment and self-esteem issues. She is so going to need therapy when she loses.

Day Six
My parents were FREAKS when they were teenagers. Seriously. Do not try to be cool if you're going to fail so miserably. My mother plus lycra is proof that there are just some things that should not be seen.

Day Seven
Helped stage an intervention to cure Buffy of Angel-obsession. Though if she had any intelligence of her own she'd be over that bipolar threat to her friends' (aka MY) lives on her own. Doesn't she realize her car is in danger?

Maybe if she had a car she'd have some perspective on the situation.

Day Eight
Caught Willow and Xander making out in warehouse. We never made out in a warehouse!

Day Nine
Met demon chick with surprisingly good taste in clothes, even if she is in SERIOUS need of moisturizer. Like she hasn't touched skin care in a millennium. DID help me curse Xander for warehouse thing, though, so she's not too bad.

(later)

Second thought, cursing Xander perhaps not best idea. Lost my car, and everyone dresses like the dead here.

Day Ten
Going to Aspen! V. nice to get away from all things life-threatening and Xander.

Day Eleven
Giles doesn't respect the importance of my hair. He is SO brain damaged.

Day Twelve
So Buffy lost her memory, and I thought letting her ride in my car would make her feel better but she just sat there moping like a loser and ruining her make-up. Lame.

Day Thirteen
Caught Xander trying to be cool again. You'd think he would learn that attempting that impossibility only leads to danger (but not the sexy kind), girls dumping him, and getting dissed by everyone imaginable. I guess not.

...or maybe he LIKES disaster. Would explain why he hangs out with Buffy and co.

Day Fourteen
Caught Buffy trying to be "cool", with, like, pleather and stuff. Please. As if we don't already know she's way too goody-goody-on-the-side-of-the-scorned-and-righteous to last long. Plus pleather is bad for her complexion. She's a summer, Faith's a winter...it'll never work out.

Day Fifteen
Buffy's new Watcher SO much cooler than Giles. I like a man who's stunned speechless by my presence. (Which is pretty much all of them, actually.)

Day Sixteen
Today Wesley protected me from a seriously fashion-challenged Willow. I knew it was a fluke with Giles--British people do have fashion sense. Think I'll ask him out.

Day Seventeen
Double date with Wesley, and Willow and Oz v. boring, as Wesley kept insisting on research. To save Sunnydale or whatever. Beginning to suspect he has intimacy issues...or maybe just too intimidated by my extreme beauty to make a move...

Day Eighteen
Buffy thinks she's psychic. I don't get what the big deal is, except her possible psychosis. People are paying far too much attention to her and not enough attention to the cheerleaders. Who rock, by the way.

Day Nineteen
So that minor problem Daddy's been struggling with is apparently all of our money. Imagine money being a problem! V. odd.

(later)

My parents expect me to work retail. It's officially the end of the world.

Day Twenty
Some loser made monsters that kill the fashionable. World is conspiring against me.

(later)

Buffy killed monsters, though not loser. Thank goodness, because I am officially most beautiful person at prom, and would not like to be attacked. In other news, Wesley officially has good taste, and Xander is perhaps not lamest person ever.

Day Twenty-One

Up side to apocalypse? Skipping 5th period.

Day Twenty-Two

Another bonus: got to take off that lame gown. Maroon? What idiot thought of that?

(later)

Nevermind. Practically trampled by vamps... apocalypses suck.

Day Twenty-Three

Angel wants me to come to LA with him. Says I'd make a great Delilah, whatever that means. Since I have been denied rich, preppy Columbia boys, might as well turn to hot, broody men. Even if said men are vampires. (Besides, LA's got shoes. So many shoes.)

Things not looking so bad after all.
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busybutlazy: big bluebusybutlazy on June 2nd, 2008 10:55 am (UTC)
ROFLMAO and that is currently a lot more difficult than you'd think
visualthinker11 / radio_silent: btvs- season 8 (new identity)visualthinker11 on June 3rd, 2008 02:46 am (UTC)
well thank you! we are very please that we can. ; )
toothpasted on June 2nd, 2008 04:52 pm (UTC)
your Cordelia voice is perfect.

Thank goodness, because I am officially most beautiful person at prom, and would not like to be attacked.
excellence.
visualthinker11 / radio_silent: btvs- visualthinker11 on June 3rd, 2008 02:47 am (UTC)
thank you! it took numerous tries to achieve actually... my favorite was the time we tried for a much smarter cordelia... talking about the definition of a heroine by the second entry, etc. : P
Lilylavastar on August 8th, 2008 01:20 am (UTC)
Oh god, so funny. This has so much traditional Cordy snark, I love it. I can seriously picture her saying like every one of these lines. Although, what's the thing on day 19 where she loses her memory? I don't remember that...

And LOL at the Wesley double-date thing! And the going to LA to be in Angel's TV thingy. That seriously makes so much sense. *nods*

something clever: emersonshah_of_blah on August 8th, 2008 05:11 pm (UTC)
On Day 19 she loses her money. In season 3, her father is caught cheating on his taxes so she has to work retail and can't afford her prom dress and certainly can't afford college tuition...

Anyway, glad you like! And thanks so much for the reviews.
Lilylavastar on August 8th, 2008 06:12 pm (UTC)
Oh, aagh. I didn't mean Day 19, I meant Day 12, where she says that Buffy loses her memory and cries in her car. That's what I get for going by my memory of which day it was. Oh noes, I'm losing my memory!

Hmm, that was a lame joke. O.O
visualthinker11 / radio_silent: btvs- bffsvisualthinker11 on August 8th, 2008 11:50 pm (UTC)
Hey, I can appreciate lame jokes. In general, more than I probably should...

Anyway, Buffy doesn't *really* loose her memory. That moment taken from this scene in the episode Helpless:

Buffy (to Giles):You stuck a needle in me. You poisoned me!
Behind them Cordelia walks into the library.
Cordelia: What's going on?
(She sees Buffy's tear-streaked face.)
Cordelia: Oh, God. Is the world ending? I have to research a paper on Bosnia for tomorrow, but if the world's ending, I'm not gonna bother.
(Buffy starts to walk out of the library.)
Giles: (desperately) You can't walk home alone, Buffy. It isn't safe.
Buffy: (to giles) I don't know you.
Cordelia: Did something take her memory? (turns to Buffy)
He's Giles. Giiillles. (grins) He hangs out here a lot.
(Buffy turns around.)
Buffy: Cordelia, could you please drive me home?
Cordelia: (surprised) Of course.
(Buffy turns and walks out.)
Cordelia: (to Giles) But if the world doesn't end, I'm gonna need a note.


...we kinda figured Cordy probably wouldn't puzzle out the subtext anytime soon...
Lilylavastar on August 9th, 2008 12:16 am (UTC)
Ohhhh my goodness thank you. *heddesk, facepalm, general connection of my body parts to other things...without the creepy sexual connotation...* Duuuuuhhhhhh. Wow. That's actually kind of hilarious, now that I gets it. *gigglesnort* Thank you so much for the helpful detailed explanation. I tend to become incredibly stupid when reading fic. or as many people would be happy to tell you, all the time... Anyways. Thank you.
visualthinker11 / radio_silent: btvs- bffsvisualthinker11 on August 9th, 2008 03:30 am (UTC)
No problem... episode transcripts are handy that way. Also, you know, for writing these kind of fics (or at least for people like me who need the reminding... shah_of_blah seems to have far more of this cannon stored in her brain. Which makes me totally jealous.
Lilylavastar on August 10th, 2008 04:53 pm (UTC)
Ugh, seriously. I had such a bad time with this one fic I'm leaving unfinished writing, where I simply had absolutely no idea what they call that place where Buffy goes to fight Angelus and stabs him into hell and stuff. I finally looked it up on Wikipedia, and, what do you know, it's called the mansion. That made me feel stupid. O.O
visualthinker11 / radio_silent: btvs- bffsvisualthinker11 on August 10th, 2008 11:04 pm (UTC)
That leaving unfinished/writing thing made me laugh. ; )
And really, there's just too much cannon to remember anything. Some of it has to go...
Lilylavastar on August 15th, 2008 09:08 pm (UTC)
Heh. I would be able to laugh it weren't a stark, brutal reality. Okay, that wording made me laugh.

LOL. Cannon firesale! Everything must go!
dragonflylady77: Heedragonflylady77 on September 12th, 2008 01:11 pm (UTC)
Hehehe so snarky, so Cordy!
I love it!
visualthinker11 / radio_silentvisualthinker11 on September 13th, 2008 06:57 pm (UTC)
Thank you. We are very proud of our/cordy's snark. ; )